A few minutes ago I was trying to think of something to write. There's no one thing that is taking up my entire attention right now... so I'm left with little things. The everyday worries and issues that exist and are relevant, yet never seem quite worth mentioning. Usually when someone asks me how I'm doing, or what I'm busy with these days, I scan my thoughts for something big enough to mention. Something important enough. Usually I look for something with an 'impressive' factor as well, something specifically targeted to my caring questioner. Something to catch the person’s attention. ...Sounds normal doesn't it? So no big deal. But I'm mentioning it because, at times, I forget to move beyond the 'impressive' things. I forget to share about the simple things that really fill my days. It's a filtering process, and all the fine granules fall through the cracks, and are forgotten about. To be truly honest and open with others, I need to let them see the little things as well as the big things. I have to hold out my life as the unsifted glob that it is when I wake up every morning. That's a hard one for me... it's not my instinctual reaction. I like to keep everything to myself, and put forth only what I want people to see. Sometimes I'm pretty darn good at it too. I've had a lot of practice. I can't be real with people unless I let them see who I am, really. I can't openly relate with someone, unless I let them in on all the little things that make up my life.
Now... I can hear you snickering to yourselves, "Does he actually think he's onto something profound here? According to him, we can't be open with people... unless we're open with them. I'm in awe...."
But my point is, Christians are called to stand out. The people of this world (or at least this culture, which contains most of my world) have alienated themselves from each other in attempts to protect and hide their downfalls. Everyone longs to be seen as someone special, someone worthy of notice. They long to be loved. But pride forces them to believe that the only way to be loved, is to be better then everyone else. The must be a cut above, to be worthy of that love. As a result, no one can afford to openly share with others. They can't relate, and support each other when they need it. Men become islands. They become profoundly alone.
Am I really any different though? Do I allow people to see who I really am and that I struggle with so many things, just like everyone else? Or do I take comfort in the fact that only God can truly see my life as it is, and strut over the stage of life in my debut performance of 'The Ultimate Christian Charles'? Sadly I think the latter best describes me. And sadly, Hypocrisy would be the word that best describes it. It also outlines how wrong my focus is. I should be focused on what God sees in my life. And since God can see it all, there's no reason to try and hide it.
Christians are called to be the light of the world. So stand on your toes and make a 360. See any lights out there? I see a few, but not many. I see a few contrasts. A few people who stand out like sore thumbs because they let Christ shine through them. But as for myself, and so many other Christians.... there really isn't much light seeping through our bushels. We've let pride come over and switch our perspectives. We focus on what the world thinks of us. We want to fit in. Only we can't notice anymore that the prescription is totally wrong.
Where is OUR relevance? How come we keep complaining that the church is not relevant in our society, while we pretend that we are??
What if I could become open and real with those around me? What if the people that God has put in my life for me to minister to, could suddenly see everything that I am, everything that I struggle with? What a difference we as Christians could make if we stopped taking ourselves so seriously, moved aside, and started letting people see what CHRIST is doing in our broken, disheveled lives! Suddenly we'd be able to form much stronger community within the body, because we would no longer be as alienated from each other. The love of Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit would be our claim to fame! Then, we would start to shine. Christ would start to become visible in us. And those who are desperately searching for the light, will start to see it burst forth all around them. The church would become relevant. We would become relevant.
*takes a breather and reads over* Somehow that started as a 'What shall I post about today?' and became a bit of an idealistic tirade, 'Save the world! We'll get rid of pride and alienation and things will be wonderful!!' ...maybe in that perfect world that we still haven't found.
But we do have to examine how effective we can be for God if we're too caught up in our own protection. I want to become honest and open with people around me. I want to learn to let God kick my pride in the stomach, and while it's still doubled over, open myself wide to examination by everyone who sees me... so that they can start to see how Christ is working in me. I can't help but think that that is what church community is all about. If people can see that I'm broken, then they're free to be open as well about their brokenness. And that leaves us in a position to encourage, challenge, and witness to each other. It's our testimony of the change that Christ should be working in our lives.
Sure, living like that will leave my pride permanently aching... but being a Christian is a mission, a hardship to be endured faithfully. Not a vacation, or a safe zone where we can comfortably ride out the rest of life.
And after all that... I still haven't talked about the Simple stuff that is making up my days this week. I know it's getting to be a long post, but there is so much that I've been worried about lately. I wish I was better able to trust God with them all.
One of the more worrisome points is what I'm going to do about the home group with Ronnie, Tyler and Wolfgang? I dunno how do start one. I don't know what it's supposed to look like once I do start it. I still don't even know where we're gonna meet. I need to examine each of their needs a little more closely so that I can work towards helping them meet those needs. I want to help plug them into a church. I could really use prayer on this... So far I've been procrastinating, and I haven't really made a start. Someone pray that God'll give me a really hard kick in the rear.
Also work... I've been procrastinating about that too. I need to keep looking, and start getting my resume out. *Focus dude, focus* I've gotten lazy.
Another big little thing... the last couple of days I've really been struggling with letting my guard down with my mind. Or rather, I suppose I haven't been struggling hard enough. I've started to let lust have a foothold in my heart again. I let thoughts, that I have no authority to entertain, linger too long. I need to call a few people and get them to pray with me, and stop listening to the pride that's saying I don't need help anymore. I need to be crying out to God every moment I'm struggling. Every time I feel tempted. Now is the time to fight ever harder.
As well... I need to keep up with my devotions every day. I've been getting distracted... spending less time praying and listening. It's time to take more time. God needs to be my focus. I need Him more then ever right now. The last couple of days I've started to drown in depression again... I keep crumbling into more of a mess. I need to let God at it again. I need to hand the material of my life, to the loving and perfectly capable hands of the Carpenter.
God is my strength and my refuge. He is my ever present help in times of trouble. I want to become acutely aware of that. I want to stand in awe of His majesty, and lose myself in the joy of worshiping Him.
